Shall We Deregulate The Toaster Industry?


By Gary Kopycinski

Shall we deregulate the toaster industry?

Seriously, wouldn’t the toaster industry be far better off if we just let toaster manufacturing companies make toasters without having to pay the extra costs associated with government-mandated "safety" laws and guidelines? Can’t we just trust the toaster industry to make safe toasters, and, if they don’t, and a few toasters actually catch fire or explode in people’s homes, then won’t the free market eventually put those toaster manufacturers out of business?

Won’t the free market protect us all, eventually, from those who make dangerous toasters? And the few of us who do perish or lose property from poorly-made toasters exploding – or perhaps the thousands or more – aren’t those few, or thousands, worth the price to us all so the free market may thrive?

How about the construction industry? Shall we deregulate the construction industry?

So what if a porch, or hundreds or thousands of porches, collapse in Chicago? Isn’t the free market really what it’s all about? Shouldn’t government just get out of the way?

Why don’t we just deregulate everything? Wouldn’t that be grande?

While we’re at it, let’s deregulate baseball. And football. And all sports. Shouldn’t we be able to play, to play, any way we like? And if a few of us get injured or killed, well, suck it up.

Let’s deregulate playgrounds, all of them. And schools too. Hey, if a kid wants to bring a knife or a gun to school, well, that’s just human nature.

And, please, for the love of God and all things good, can we completely, totally, and forever, deregulate the banks? Because, hey, what bad could come of that? Aren’t those in finance brilliant? Aren’t those in finance responsible? Aren’t those in finance completely and totally responsible? Aren’t those in finance the gatekeepers? And, really, aren’t those in finance brilliant, responsible gatekeepers, job providers?

They wouldn’t possibly write bad loans or mortgages that could never be paid back.

They would never then bundle bad sub-prime mortgages and sell them to the Euro zone and beyond, knowing that they were worthless products doomed-to-fail.

And, if, perchance, those brilliant minds in the finance industry realized their mistakes, if those worthless products sold abroad actually did implode, those brilliant minds in the finance industry would be the first to step forward and admit responsibility, fall on their swords, turn down government help and bailouts.

Because they’re part of the free market. And, dammit, they’re just that good.

Let’s deregulate everything, starting with the toaster industry. And, of course, the job providers.

What could possibly go wrong?