Washington, DC—(ENEWSPF)—March 13, 2018
In a real shocker, the bound-and-determined-to-find-the-truth Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee say they are closing their investigation into possible collusion between Russia and the Trump campaign, having found no sign of it, no siree Bob, zip, nada, time to go home and never mind that broad contradictory consensus by intelligence agencies. While they found Putin took actions to interfere in the election and the campaign showed “bad judgment” with some “inappropriate meetings” with Russians, they told reporters, impressively straight-faced, that “We have found no evidence of collusion, coordination, or conspiracy.” On Fox News – which in a brilliant troll has changed its name to Real News – Rep. Mike Conaway (R-TX) said the committee will soon release a final report. “We found no reason to think there is something we are missing in this regard,” he said. “We have talked to everybody we feel we need to talk to.”
Inexplicably, many responded with skepticism, including at least one GOP committee member. Rep. Tom Rooney – he’s retiring, surprise – told CNN of course there’s evidence Russia helped Trump and “we’ve gone completely off the rails.” Yup, said pretty much everyone. Rep. Adam Schiff said the GOP left “questions unanswered, leads unexplored, countless witnesses uncalled… If Russians have leverage over the President, GOP has decided that it would rather not know.” CNN’s Phil Mudd, a former CIA analyst, was more forthcoming: “If this report were written on toilet paper, I wouldn’t stoop to wipe my ass with it.” A jubilant Trump, meanwhile, took to Twitter to issue a caps-locked, error-ridden declaration of vindication that “THE HOUSE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE” – nope, just its complicit GOP sycophants – “HAS FOUND NO EVIDENCE OF COLLUSION.” The general response: “We know you’re guilty, you know you’re guilty, Mueller knows you’re guilty.” Also, “Nothing screams innocence like using all caps” and “Uh oh, why is Grampa yelling again?” Because this is where we are. A reminder, hopefully for not much longer: None of this is normal.
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